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One of the most important things I learned about all human beings, not just women, is that most people are searching for something or someone, which they hope or believe will make them “content”. Now, I’m not here to say that as humans we don’t need ANYTHING- we need basic things like food and shelter, human communication, etc. But beyond that, we really don’t need much of anything, we just trick ourselves into thinking that we do.
Now, stay with me here, because this ALL is CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND for triggering ATTRACTION.
The more a person believes they need for survival or happiness, the more they will feel FEAR or ANGER or any other negative emotion at the thought of being DEPRIVED of whatever those key things are that supposedly would bring “contentment”.
So, basically, negative emotions are PROOF that you are lacking something, that you are DEPRIVED of something IMPORTANT, or at least that you BELIEVE you are lacking something important.
NOW, what is the NUMBER ONE POINT that I keep driving home about what attraction actually IS?
That’s right- it’s SUPERIOR INTRINSIC VALUE. The idea that you have it ALL.
If you exude insecure, butt-kissing emotions, or if you exude angry emotions, or any other negative emotion, you are basically conveying INFERIOR INTRINSIC VALUE. And yes, if your clothing or voice tone conveys negative emotions, same thing. If you don’t take care of yourself at all and it’s obvious from looking at you, observing you, or interacting with you, same thing. In sum: It will DESTROY your attractiveness.
Realizing this, you can learn something, because the opposite is true as well:
If you give off nothing but POSITIVE emotions, (which is NOT to be confused with overly nice INSECURE behavior- that is a NEGATIVE emotion) you will SKYROCKET your level of “charisma”, or “magnetism” aka DESIRABILITY.
This is a HUGE thing. It’s PSYCHOLOGICAL.
In fact, the emotions you exude say MORE about your level of attraction than anything else. As human beings, we are rather complex- when we meet people who REALLY seem comfortable with who they are, we can’t help but feel they are MAGNETIC.
This is because they are giving off a vibe of ALREADY being “perfect”, in need of nothing. This is NOT the same as being a JERK, (which radiates a bit of insecurity) and it’s ALSO NOT the same as being a NICE GUY (same thing).
Even a visually attractive woman will seriously DAMPEN her appeal by acting insecure, angry, bitter, etc. Of course, women know this and try to play a role to maintain their IMAGE and retain maximum attraction. Guys could learn a thing or two from women, to put it mildly. You’ll notice that women try not to get too angry in public, to preserve their IMAGE. They do this more than guys do. Image is a word you tend to associate with women more than men, right?
But even better than acting or projecting the right IMAGE is to ACTUALLY be that kind of guy, who is REALLY internally content with himself, who does not need approval from a woman and who in fact does not need approval from anybody.
Some guys MISUNDERSTAND this to mean acting cruel or bitter – that’s WRONG.
The goal is to be completely in control of your emotions. This is a very rare thing these days, and garners IMMEDIATE respect and “charisma”.
Ever listen to some girls blabbing?
Especially girls who are especially attractive?
Unless she is a rare girl, she is usually FULL of NEGATIVE DRAMA- she is going on and on about this and that, and this is wrong and that is wrong, and how that guy is a jerk, and how if only she could meet a good guy, and how her tan is not right, and how she needs to go on vacation or get that car, etc.
OVERLY NICE GUYS commit TWO errors here:
First, they act like a carpet to walk on, listening to all her problems, which conveys low self esteem and LOW INTRINSIC VALUE. Second, by LISTENING TOO MUCH to a chick go on in a negative direction, they allow the woman to feel negative about herself, and ULTIMATELY the whole reason people are attracted to superiority is because it makes them feel better about THEMSELVES to be aligned with that which is good or superior.
All goes back to survival and evolution and the need to increase your chances at survival. Ever wonder why your typical chick hangs out at clubs, where music is blasting, alcohol is served, lights are flashing, and you can’t even THINK?
Because they are BORED and also LOOKING FOR INSTANT DISTRACTIONS and INSTANT ESCAPE from their lives rather than working at solving their issues logically.
ENTER “THE MAN”.
He’s laid back in his chair, relaxed, positive energy, looks like he doesn’t need A THING IN THIS WORLD.
He doesn’t even need alcohol to get into positive state of mind.
A woman thinks, “How the hell is he so CALM? I wish I could be like that!!”
If he goes up to talk to a girl, he clearly is not in NEED, he is simply SHARING some of his AWESOME POSITIVE VIBE. He exudes an aura of energy rather than a draining black hole of negativity. He doesn’t need to buy drinks to talk to a woman. Whatever he chats about, it’s clear that from his expressions and tonality that he is just there to enjoy the interaction and that he KNOWS it’s a mutual thing.
This is an AURA that is ATTRACTIVE, for it is ALREADY STRONG.
It is not an aura that says, “Help me, I need your emotional fuel and emotional resources to be complete”.
For SURVIVAL, humans are hardwired to feel ATTRACTION to that which might be good for them. The irony is that when you kiss up to a woman, you are ACTUALLY telling a woman that you are NOT that good for them, and that you are trying to MAKE UP for it by ass-kissing. You see, in the end, the GREATEST sign of superiority is being in a great state of mind. EMOTIONAL STRENGTH.
Basically, negative emotions were only designed to drive us to solve life threatening issues, like the tiger that wanted to eat you outside your cave got you thinking pretty quick on your feet, or serious hunger got you to find a way to get food instead of starving.
Regardless of how we GET to the emotion, the fact is, once triggered, it is way more powerful than logic. So think of the power of being able to CREATE emotions in women by being in control of your OWN emotions. If you broadcast negative emotions, then on a very primal level, you are broadcasting that there are PROBLEMS in your situation, hence the message is: This person is not the best choice for a mate. Now of course a woman doesn’t actually THINK this, she just feels something called NO ATTRACTION.
You see, everyone is so caught up on looks, but they keep forgetting the power of our BRAINS. In fact, the most likely reason for the DEVELOPMENT OF OUR advanced BRAINS (compared to animals) was IN ORDER TO ATTRACT THE OPPOSITE GENDER!
In the end, the superior BRAIN, well-utilized, will kick ass over brawn alone. More specifically, superior control of your own EMOTIONS and superior understanding of how you are coming across.
For example, if you’ve just met a woman, and you live 50 miles away, and you attempted to tell her nonchalantly “Hey, I have this great Huge Screen Theatre at home, come check it out” and she asks where you live, and she finds out it would be a FIFTY THOUSAND MILE TRIP, then maybe you just came across as a guy trying WAY TOO HARD, or at least a guy who just doesn’t have a clue to the fact that maybe she would feel uncomfortable going that far? That if you think it’s worth it to go so far that maybe you are desperate and needy?
You would never even think of doing something like this unless you placed GREAT WEIGHT on the issue of trying to impress a woman.
It would be far wiser to just go somewhere close to eat.
So start USING your brain. It can make you very SEXY.
This is why it is important to keep your mind free from negative b.s., INCLUDING the b.s. that women try to BRAINWASH you with- like “well, I only go out with a guy who has a million bucks or is Brad Pitt, etc”. Because, if you buy into the fallacy, you will start to actually ACT in a way that seems to PROVE to women you indeed are inferior!
By the way, women don’t INTENTIONALLY try to brainwash men, they are just doing what they themselves have been brainwashed to believe by everything from Disney to Feminism to MTV. The most incredible thing for me, personally, has been that I really am NOT ACTING when I am with women.
I really am not seeking their approval, because I already know what my values are. This comfort with my own values puts me in a very confident state of mind that allows me to be very resourceful. In fact, I am SEARCHING TO SEE IF THE WOMAN IN FRONT OF ME HAS THE RIGHT QUALIFICATIONS for me to even consider spending time with.
For example, I know that in order to keep a relationship thriving long term, it requires two people who each take responsibility for never getting lazy about the relationship and who will both respect the complex dynamics of trust by NEVER playing with fire.
If I notice that a woman requires brainless stimulation such as alcohol or pounding music in order to have a good time, or if I encounter a woman who can be easily controlled by her friends, or a woman who seems to have constant drama, or a woman who needs constant validation from others, or a woman who has a shaky moral foundation, then I know this is a woman who is NOT in control of her own emotions and who instead is at the mercy of external stimuli, these are red flags that immediately tell me she is not in the running.
But most guys are not even THINKING about any of this. All they can think of is “HOT BABE, she would NEVER get with me, damn! How do I GET that hot babe!!” And if the guy does try to act cool, his ACTING becomes obvious.
In other words, he gives himself a way by being incongruent.
This is why I say RAISE YOUR STANDARDS. I’m not telling you that you have to want to be in a relationship, it’s a free country to do whatever you want that way. But still, no matter what, you HAVE TO HAVE STANDARDS and MEAN it. If you raise your OWN standards of behavior, and your own values, then you will suddenly find that you are raising the standards for your women as well.
You’d be AMAZED at how much women will REWARD you for not chasing them in a needy way, and for not taking their hogwash. It makes sense, of course, because you are raising your value. Very few women want a guy who would take “Any chick, as long as she is hot”.
At the “higher levels” of success with women, it’s interesting to me that almost every guy who gets really good at attracting women ends up complaining about the same problem that many attractive WOMEN complain about: They say they are BORED.
They say they are looking for someone who will be more challenging, etc.
That’s because, as I said at the beginning, everything EXTERNAL is eventually pretty much MEANINGLESS to your internal state, but people just don’t want to accept that, instead they keep on chasing something. Once the novelty wears off, having “hot women” with nothing else to their personality, who want you, means very little.
The answer is not to find someone more “challenging” for that too will eventually wear off. The answer is stop looking EXTERNALLY for sexual/emotional/bells, shiny lights, and whistles, i.e. “CHALLENGES” and not be emotionally LAZY this way. It is a profound and RARE moment when a man and a woman who both understand this truth meet each other.
This is the whole problem - the whole “entertainment” concept- that men and women are looking for someone who will “entertain their emotions” and give them the high, without having to do any of the work themselves. This is just emotional laziness and spoiledness, pure and simple.
Think about that one girl from whenever, who you DIDN’T get but couldn’t stop thinking about. Yeah, that one you were nuts about. You know why you were nuts about her for so long? Because you never had a chance to let yourself take her for granted since you didn’t have her.
There was no emotional laziness.
You see, chemistry CAN last forever, but it takes a little insight to make it happen.
For emotionally lazy people, no amount of “variety” of partners will solve the problem.
The answer is to take responsibility for your own emotions and find a woman who does the SAME. That way, as long as you both CONTINUE to be people who are content, secure, confident, and comfortable with themselves, you will BOTH find each other “entertaining” for a long time to come.
I explain all of this stuff in detail in my book, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women. It’s jam packed not only with the specifics of what to do to approach women and bridge into getting physical, but also with how to get into the right mind frame and keep your mind that way. Remember, the greatest gift you can give a woman is the feeling of POWER that you will resonate as THE MAN. And that’s all in the brain, so watch what you feed it.
You can download the book right now and be reading it in just a few minutes.
Till next time,
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This article has been reproduced with the permission of ©Michael W and The Dating Wizard®
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