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This represents the third and penultimate article in the ‘Revealing the Social Matrix’ article series.

The below is a medium to advanced look at social dynamics. Consequently, before reading this, I would HIGHLY recommend that you read Parts 1 and 2 of ‘Revealing the Social Matrix’ as they set the necessary foundations for what is discussed in the rest of this article:
Revealing the Social Matrix, Part 1: The Structure of Your Social Life
Revealing the Social Matrix, Part 2: The Hidden Structure to Social Circle Pick Ups

SOCIAL TREES AND THE ALPHA MALE

A seduction coach (who works for a different company) once stated that there should only ever be one alpha male in a social tree and that a PUA should supplant that alpha male by way of surreptitious ousting. He likened all social groups to a structure where there was only one top and that to become the top, you should simply behave like you are already at the top in every social situation that you come into. The theory is that if your ‘reality’ was stronger, people would accept your ‘reality’ and you would dominate the social setting. He argued that you should act 'alpha' and you would eventually become the alpha male.

I completely disagree with this perspective. In fact, I know 100% that it is wrong. We live in the real world here, filled with people who want and deserve respect. As a simple example of the fallacy of this view, if anyone was to ever try to act like the boss in the law firm that I am working at (one of the world’s most prestigious international law firms), I assure you that he would quickly be out of a job. Think about it from the incumbent alpha male’s perspective - if you were an alpha male, and there was someone who wanted to break into your group and oust you by acting dominant, and there was a shift in social power, what would you do? In primitive times, you would simply kill him. In modern times, you would do the social or business equivalent and outright reject him or destroy his chances of accelerating through the social group/business/friendship group, likely by way of reputational badgering, not offering him any assistance or simply promoting those who are aligned with you (i.e. the people you like and like you).

The way to become a modern day alpha male is therefore NOT necessarily to be the leader or alpha male in every group. Yes, the ability to consciously socially dominate is a good skill to have, particularly in either (a) weaker groups filled with beta males or (b) cold sets which do not constitute part of your social circle . You can do this simply by being louder, more verbose, more interesting, talking more etc (i.e. essentially engaging in more dominant 'alpha male ' behavior). But in a social circle group where there are pre-established alpha males and social lines, this is not the optimal behavior.

Braddock and I have tried this 'alpha' approach as a social experiment numerous times. This tends to have a reasonable success rate in cold sets. However, the overwhelming observation is that in social circle settings, while it is often possible to hold court by being the most charismatic, loud, verbose, or ‘in his own reality’ person, it is often the case that this type of behavior, particularly if used to gain complete social dominance (i.e. steal attention completely) is not widely accepted by the other alpha males . This happens on both conscious (e.g. they openly don't like you) or sub-conscious (e.g. they harbor ill feelings towards you and consequently say negative things about you behind your back). In short, other alpha males will have an active dislike of the show stealer. They justify their emotional response through thoughts like, ‘what an idiot’, 'try hard', 'he's a little uncalibrated', 'he's weird', ‘he’s a little too much’, ‘show off’ etc. NOTE – this applies to SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUTSIDE OF COLD SETS. In cold sets, this type of obtuse, alpha male behavior can sometimes allow you to get the girl (though it is no means necessarily ideal in this setting either).

So, why does loud, dominant, alpha male behavior offend a pre-existing social group with existing alpha males and social alliances? Because you are attempting to achieve social value without having any actual social value . But on a deeper level, by acting the way that you act, you represent a threat to the status quo of the incumbent male’s domination. Instead of aligning with them, you represent a threat to them. They may not consciously think this, but it is subconsciously felt through the emotions of jealousy or dislike. Their incentive is thus to bring you down. This is not behavior that you should necessarily blame people for. It is human nature to attack or undermine something which threatens your value. The more willing that you accept that people have a tendency to act to protect their value on a subconscious level, the quicker that you can work within the boundary given. As my good friend and mentor Eskay says (paraphrased), 'Life is full of rules and you have to play within them. But once you know the rules and accept them, they can be bent to achieve great effect'.

So, just like it is OK to admit you are wrong sometimes, it is OK (and, in fact, intelligent) in social circles to sometimes defer social power. It is OK to be the beta male sometimes, particularly when the context governs that this is appropriate (see law firm example above).

So, how then, do you achieve social dominance? Well, in this day and age, let’s say that you are part of a number of social trees. Being the sole leader / dominant male of all of these trees is unlikely and NOT DESIRABLE. This is because, on a logistic level, being the undisputed alpha male of a group requires maintenance (i.e. time invested in relationships, hanging out, constantly adding value etc), which takes time. You can therefore realistically only be the 'sole' alpha male of a certain number of groups. This brings me to the crux of this article:

The optimal state of affairs is not to feel like you have to be sole dominant male in every group that you are a part of and to ‘out-alpha’ all the other males. The optimal state of affairs is to be considered amongst the ‘leadership of men’ in the groups that you are part of.

How do you accomplish this? How do you become considered as 'amongst the leadership of men'? There are a number of ways, but the most effective are:
1. By ALIGNING with the pre existing alpha males of the group; and
2. By showing that you are ALREADY IN the leadership of men in a SEPARATE TREE that has a RELATIVELY PERCEIVED HIGHER VALUE than the present group.
I can't emphasize how crucial the two above points are.

People align to value. Value or perceived value augments almost all social human behavior. And the two social tools above are two of the most crucial avenues of obtaining value in social situations.

In relation to (1), social alliances with existing alpha males (or males with situational value) in groups represents incredible value in social situations. This is why alignment is so important. How you align and build the alliances with alpha males will be the topic of the next Revealing the Social Matrix article (drum roll... ).

In relation to (2), above, value is also begotten by being a connector (see the first article of Revealing the Social Matrix for more on 'connectors') that has access to other trees. This also means that you are not perceived to be a value leech. As opposed to someone who latches on to the group, you come into the social group and add value by being someone who has perceived social connections into other high value groups. You can make use of these connections by group merging or, an alternative that is more tactically sound - the introduction of specific high end individuals to other high end individuals. I don't want to get into the realm of social networking - it really has nothing to do with pick up and dating. However, the important principle to take away here is that by being the connector and by having the perception of the opportunity to add value (even if only perceived value), you are far more likely to be considered amongst the leadership of men.

In summary, you don’t have to completely dominate a social circle group to create attraction . What you do definitely want to do is (1) align and develop relationships with high value members, (2) bring value to a group, (3) avoid trying to ‘out alpha’ everyone (as many dating coaches do) and (4) show that you are part of other social circles in which you are also in the leadership of men. These factors will enable you to be considered to be a high value member who is amongst the highest members of the tree and thus, you will be naturally attractive to the females. By naturally, I mean that people's natural social cues will be wired such that they show that you are a dominant member of the group - an alpha male . Interestingly, if you can illustrate both strong inter-tree (i.e. within the tree) alliances and intra-tree alliances (i.e. by credibly demonstrating that you are of a relatively higher position on an adjoining tree which has relatively more value), then you can actually become MORE attractive than the other alpha males in the tree.

I hope you have gotten something valuable from this article. This is, once again, merely a small part of what is covered in Social Circle Mastery. The final part of 'Revealing the Social Matrix' will go through some Jedi mind tricks and techniques of social dynamics which you can use in every day social situations to create social alliances and develop relationships. So stay tuned for the next and final installment of Revealing the Social Matrix, which will be entitled ‘Jedi Mind Tricks: The Secret Tools of Social Dynamics’! I’ve written half of it and I think it is the best stuff yet.

I'm the lead Love Systems instructor for UK and Europe. Listen to my audio interview series:

Also check out my book The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game as well as Love Systems Magic Bullets, the Routines Manual, and Routines Manual 2.

Mr. M

2 comment(s) Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

j2smoove
i feel like other men, alpha or not are going to naturally dislike you simply for being what they all want to be..
Quote j2smoove's commment
j2smoove at 12:57AM, Dec 23rd 2010.
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