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Let’s take a journey back a few years to the old me. Before I could get pretty much any woman I wanted, before I went to the top clubs and got VIP treatment without spending any money, before I had too many women and too many friends to make time for any more, before it became so easy that I never really needed to go out “Sarging” and still have the hottest women fancy me. Before Gambler, there was Richard La Ruina, the guy that sat in his house for up to a week at a time, had one friend who he saw about once every two weeks, lived with his mum, and had only kissed two girls.
This guy wasn’t happy, he was depressed. I’ve written about my journey before. But, this time I want to focus on something that will probably apply to you…The accelerated journey – how to get to the place that took me a year to get to in just a few months.
Let’s look at some common problems that guys have:
-Scared to approach.
-Don’t like attention being focused on them/social pressure.
-Uncomfortable with Sexual tension and projecting a sexual vibe.
-Uncomfortable in Social situations: big groups, etc.
-Don’t feel comfortable around women generally, and especially hot women.
-Feel Uncomfortable in bars and clubs.
What you basically have when you are in this position (as I was), is a very small comfort zone related to social interaction. You might be comfortable in your house, in the street, asking questions in a shop, meeting friends. But you might not be comfortable in parties, in big groups, having attention focused on you in conversation, meeting women, meeting new people, etc. People will have varying degrees of comfort and this will relate to the size of their comfort zone currently.
Why are some people comfortable and others not? There is the split between introvert and extravert which might happen at birth, or it might happen in formative years. Some kids are made to ask lots of questions, are in houses with lots of people coming and going, some just aren’t. Some people are quite, some aren’t. If you are socialised in a way that gets you used to talking to people and meeting people, you’ll be comfortable with it when you get older. You might still not be comfortable with women however if you miss the boat and don’t start getting it on with girls in your teens or early twenties.
So, what do you need to do? You need to expand your comfort zone so that it includes all the things you’d like to be able to do. You can do this in 2 ways:
1. In the gentle, slow way that is basically doing what you should have done naturally as you grew up – talk to shop assistant, then talk to old lady, then talk to old lady with dog, then talk to two people, etc etc! Eventually you’ll get there.
2. The accelerated approach: Do some things that are way out of your comfort zone, after that, nothing else will be as hard. Do things that your cool, sociable, extravert friends would find SCARY!
So, what do I mean? Well, I told a student the other day that if I only had 6 hours to help someone and they had to do whatever I told them, I told him that I would send the guy out naked to talk to people. After half an hour of that, he wouldn’t have any inhibitions and would be able to approach anyone. The reason it would work is that although his comfort zone wouldn’t stretch all the way to being comfortable in public being naked, it would stretch to cover normal interaction and interaction with women.
So here’s what you do, pick the things that scare you the most. If you open a 3-set and want to disappear into oblivion as soon as all the eyes are looking at you and the attention is focused on you, then you need to put yourself into a situation where attention will be focused on you:
-Comedy Impro Class
-Teaching (What I did)
-Karaoke (Did this too)
-Toastmasters or other public speaking
If you are uncomfortable around women, holding eye contact with women, etc:
-Salsa or other dancing class (What I did)
If you are unconfident sexually, and can’t handle sexual tensions:
-Strip Club (Did this too)
Do you see where I’m going? Push the limit, do the thing that scares you the most, and that way, other stuff will be easy. Good luck.
Richard La Ruina aka Gambler
PS, A lot of guys tell me that they don’t want to change who they are. Well, I had the same thoughts at times. The fact is, YOU never really change, if you are a natural introvert, you’ll still keep those qualities, you’ll just be able to bust out the extravert stuff when you need it. You might not like parties and having tons of friends (although you probably will) but you’ll have that option. Mainly, you’ll never have those awkward moments, uncomfortable situations, worry and fear, and all the stuff that is unavoidable until you get this sorted.
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