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Your state is vital. I’m going to explain what it is, why it’s important, how you control it and how you communicate your internal state externally.
What is it?
Your mental or psychological ‘state’ is how you feel at any particular time. Everyone has moments when they feel totally unstoppable and ‘in the zone’ and other times when they feel worthless. State control is being able to generate the right mood and energy for the occasion.
This is not something I’ve always been able to do. It’s usual for our mood to fluctuate with circumstances – our friends’ moods, the place we’re in, etc.. It was only when I started teaching and needed to switch it on for students that I learnt how to do it.
What does it matter?
Your state is important because it determines the reaction you’ll get from whoever you open. Your energy should make you stand out. If you’re someplace where all the men are trying to look cool, you should be high-energy and sociable. In a high-level environment, you should be the smooth James Bond character. In simple terms you state determines how interesting you are.
The golden rule is to come into the set with slightly higher energy than the group. You want to be more interesting than whatever it was they were doing before to maximise your chances of connecting. A big laughing crowd in a bar will require a lot more energy than one woman in a coffee shop. Equally if you bounce over to the women sipping her coffee with super-high energy you’ll probably scare her.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen guys with nothing to say hold rapturous attention and fascinating guys get blown out because they can’t hold the group’s focus. The difference is the animation and passion between them. I’ll talk about what exactly they’re doing differently in the final section.
How do you control it?
Getting into a strong state is about reaffirming and strengthening your confidence so you feel on top of the world, ready for anything.
Here’s my proven system for getting into state. I have affirmations which I read to myself. I’m keeping this short and snappy so I don’t have space to explain them here, but simply they are a list of positive things about me that reinforces my confidence. At the same time I play music that had good associations for me and gets me pumped up; I click my fingers and feel the energy flow through me.
I have a body movement that I do to associate all of these feelings so I can just do the action and generate them. I suggest you practise and create your own. It can be anything, like clapping or clenching one hand. I also have an action for a relaxed state I learnt from doing yoga that takes me into a very peaceful place. Being able to switch state I’ve found to be an invaluable skill for life.
Three very useful devices for changing state are 1. an MP3 player for taking your pump-up music and affirmations anywhere 2. a sheet of paper with those affirmations (and maybe some other PUA notes) and 3. the associated body movement I mentioned.
How to bring your inner state out
All of this revolves around the theme that to be interesting is to be passionate and animated. It breaks down into 2 areas: what you do with your body and what you do with your head
- Use hand gestures. Not only does it make it easier to move to touching, but expressive gestures subconsciously demonstrate passion. If you’re unfamiliar with gesturing, use having your arms bent at the elbow and hands clasped as the default position from which to move.
- Move your whole body. For larger groups, don’t be rooted to the floor. Awkward weight-shifting is bad, but animated movement helps keep interest.
- Vary your voice tone; not at random, but for emphasis. Listen to broadcasters or someone like Tony Robbins who keeps attention for hours by always speaking passionately.
- Animate your face. Your emphases add weight to what you say. You can practise this simply by watching yourself deliver an opener in the mirror and thinking about how interesting you look.
- Spread your eye contact. Moving eye contact is like spinning plates – you can’t leave any one person alone for too long else they’ll ‘fall off’ and lose interest. If you don’t look at them and bring them in with your eyes and gestures, their gaze will move away from you and around the room.
There you have it in a nutshell: what state control is, why it matters and how to do it.
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