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Using NLP On The First Date

Author: Richard La Ruina

One critical mistake many men make on first dates is that women get easily bored of them and the attraction fizzles out leaving her to resort to the “let’s just be friends” speech. Using Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques it is possible to get a deeper connection with her and ensure she’ll become so attracted to you she’ll be itching to see you again.

Mirror And Match

A fundamental NLP technique is mirroring and matching. Everyone has mannerisms they’re not aware of- the way they sit, gestures etc. People who are very close- best friends, relatives, couples etc. will share such mannerisms they aren’t even aware of. If you can match them on a first date, your girl will feel as if she is talking to someone she has known for a long time and will feel more comfortable around you. Here’s what to look for:

• Body position: match her sitting position and consider whether she is leaning in, crossing her legs and observe what does she do with her hands- all the while matching her.

• Pick out key words she uses to describe things and subtly repeat them back to her when you’re talking. If she says something is “lush” use that when describing something back to her.

• Match the pace and tonality of her voice. If she speaks quickly then do the same and it will make her more comfortable around you.

Be Positive

It’s essential to be positive. If someone is being negative then even if you agree with them, you’ll be more inclined to spend time with someone who is more positive.

If you have to say something was bad, negate a positive rather than using negative words- instead of saying something was “horrible” try saying it “wasn’t amazing”

Try repeating one to yourself 10 times and notice how the negated positive has no effect on your mind. It’s like saying: “I’m not a loser” all day- you’ll end up feeling bad because your subconscious mind doesn’t understand the concept of negations.

If she brings up a negative topic, pace the interaction and agree with her, then steer the conversation onto more positive ground. Be removing negative words from your vocabulary, people will want to spend more time with you and she’ll demand another date because you’re someone she likes being around.

Pace And Lead

This involves matching what the girl said or what you expect she thinks and then leading her towards a new answer which is more beneficial towards you. Develop a ‘Yes Ladder’ so you can get the right response when saying “I know first dates aren’t always comfortable… *she nods*… and sometimes they seem comfortable and you might not want to be there when they aren’t going really well… *she nods*… but then sometimes you have to take chances and be adventurous to be truly happy… *she nods*…”

By adding on the last statement to two truisms or things you know she will agree to, she will automatically agree to the third statement and accept it as true.


Be descriptive when talking to a girl and get her to picture things. Do this by picturing the scene yourself as you speak and the conversation will be more interesting, creating an almost hypnotic experience for her.


When she laughs or is in another peak positive state, anchor it with a touch. When you want to elicit that emotion from her again simply touch her in the same place and it should bring out the emotion again.

Enjoyed this post? Then you're going to LOVE the material I've got waiting for Also watch hidden camera videos of me and my instructors approach women.


Richard La Ruina

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