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One of the hardest things for new guys when it comes to cold approach is making conversations seem smooth and unstrained. This is especially true right after the opener, when you are about to turn the opener into a “normal conversation” (in other words, moving into the Attraction phase). This is nothing new, and both Sinn and Savoy have been dishing out stuff about this for awhile. There’s a great chapter in Magic Bullets for transitioning.
The easiest way to transition in my opinion is by using observational transitions. These carry a number of advantages such as:
- Piques her interest right off the bat as this isn’t what every guy does and what you are saying is interesting.
- It involves cold reads, which almost always gets a good reaction (and by a good reaction I mean something that helps you move the interaction forward).
- You can easily display playfulness and humor with them.
- They often lead you into another routine.
- You can build interesting and playful “minimum input” routine series with them.
Here’s the basis of delivering observational transitions: when you are about to (falsely) leave the woman or group after the opener, you notice something about a person (or persons) in the group that you just have to tell them about. The great thing about this is that they actually don’t have to do anything to make you say this! In other words, you can use the same observational transition for every interaction and create routines for which you use the same transition every time. You can use this routine as training to get some live experience under your belt and work on your delivery, or you can use it as a back-up whenever you feel like you need it.
“Well, I could build routines with phrasal transitions too” you might say. Well sure, but in my experience interactions tend to go better and people listen more closely to what I have to say if I use cold reads and get their attention and then jump into my longer DHV stories than the other way around. Beyond that, cold reads and “observational transitions” are powerful tools that you can throw in pretty much anywhere in the interaction, so it’s useful to learn a few of them anyway.
So what are some ideas for observational transitions? I have listed a few that I personally use (so you deliver your opener, then body rock as if you are about to leave and then fire out one of these babies):
- “Oh my god I just noticed something... you guys are pretty good friends, aren't you?” [Go into the Best Friends Test routine]
- “Hey, I just noticed... your eyes tend to slant downwards and to the left when I talk to you. My ex-girlfriend taught me that people who do that tend to be in touch with their feelings. They seem to listen and follow their feelings a lot. Would you consider yourself a person who listens more to her feelings than pure logic?”
[They answer and I follow up with:] “Yeah, because I like to do that too... actually, that very trait has led me to some great adventures... [and off I go into a story]
- “I just noticed... you have a U-shaped smile.” [and into C vs. Us routine]
- “Hey, where did you get those shoes?! I was out shopping with a friend of mine the other day and she was looking everywhere for a pair of shoes like that... you do know that if that pair you’re wearing was the last pair, then you are in some serious trouble!” If said to the target, I sometimes add: “I think I hate you now. You and I are so not going to get along. You made me spend four hours looking for those damn shoes!” [From here I continue with “Actually, speaking of my friend, she has this interesting theory...” and then off into a routine]
- [They answer your opinion opener] Hmm... let me see your hands. Yeah, just like I expected.” [They’ll ask “what, what?” and you go into Finger Length routine]
- “Geez, it’s amazing. My ex-girlfriend has this “doppelganger” theory and it basically says that every person has an identical twin in the world, and you look exactly like my last girlfriend/aunt/sister/cousin/the girl I met last week. [and then go into a story about that person]
- [Pause the opener, look at her and say:] “The way you stand when you talk to me... [pause] gives me the feeling that you’re pretty confident and friendly... am I right? (As you may notice this could very well be used in the Qualification phase, like many other cold reads that say something about her.)
- “Hey by the way, did you pick the finger you are wearing that ring on?” [and go into the Ring Finger routine]
- “Hmm... something about you makes me think you are a pretty bad liar. We have to play the lying game to see if that’s true. [and into the 5 Questions Game]
- “Hey it’s so cute, your nose wiggles when you talk and that totally reminds me of my ex-girlfriend and the time we went to... [and into a story]
There you have some ideas for observational transitions. Play around with these and come up with some of your own. Now you know an easy way to transition from your opener to your attraction material, which often is a big sticking point for new guys.
A good exercise for in-field improvisation is to make up your own “cold read” (or something you’ve noticed about a person or persons) on the spot. I like to do this because it’s fun and I get a kick out of improvising. I’ll say: “Hey, I noticed you have blue eyes, just like me. Did you know that they say that people who have blue eyes are more spontaneous and adventurous? Too bad you have blonde hair; you don’t want to know what they say about that...”
Remember, the more natural a transition feels the more likely it will be a good one. By practicing you will make these feel very natural, but if you come up with something on the spot that feels more natural then by all means use that one.
The Love Systems Routines Manual is the foremost resource on routines, with detailed explanations of how they work and when to use them in the phases of the Emotional Progression Model. All of the above routines can be found in the Routines Manual, and many more. Check it out here.
For more advanced techniques, check out Interview Series Volume 1 on Opening and Transitioning with Sinn and Savoy and Volume 9 on Using and Creating Routines with The Don and Savoy .
I'm a training instructor for Love Systems . Listen to my audio interview series:
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