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Most guys get into the community to increase their skill set with … the ladies. Now, much as been written about how great game is. And it is – game is great! However, there are some negative aspects to getting into game too hard too fast. Too much game can be, not only bad for your game, but bad for your life. Ostracizing/losing your old friends, loosing respect for women, serious drops in your productivity…. in some cases, too much gaming can simply make you weird! So, in this series of articles, I’m going to be writing about the negative aspects of game and how to avoid them. For my first article, I want to focus on a more specific ailment. It’s for the intermediate/advanced pua and it is this: Too much abundance can be a bad thing!
Put quite simply, the more options you have with women, the less likely you are to put in the amount of energy required to get any one specific girl. And who’s to say THAT girl wouldn’t have been the best one for you? The most amazing? The most fascinating? The best in bed? Or (brace yourselves) THE ONE? Sometimes just knowing you have the ability and skill to go out there and meet loads of attractive women makes it a whole lot less likely that you will put in a significant amount of time and/or energy required to get one specific girl. This my friends, can be at times be counter productive!
Let me tell you a story….
A few years ago I went to a new year’s party. It was in a pub that was to be sold. We could drink the motherfucking place dry for free. Pretty cool! Even though I’m not a big drinker myself, I figured free alcohol was likely to lead to a good party!
So – there’s this one cute girl standing right by the bar. As far as I was concerned, she was the only one at the party I was interested in. I spoke to her – I think I was a bit direct. I remember it was funny (well, I thought it was) but she certainly did not. She didn’t say anything at all. I was like “ok then…” and just wandered off. Crap!
Later I tried to talk to her again - she blew me off. I talked with some other people at the part, danced a bit. Then again I approached her – but AGAIN she just politely evaded me.
Well nowadays, I’d have quit her ages ago. I’d have thought “Baah! There’s so many girls out there. I’ve got this one, and that one…. and I have soo many phone numbers to call – she’s probably a bitch anyways. Who needs her! ” and that would have been it. These days probably after the 2nd or 3nd attempt I’d have quit. Definitely after the 3rd.
But – this was years ago. I didn’t know about game. I didn’t have (much) game …. I didn’t have all those options with women – in fact, this was the first cute girl I’d met in weeks. So you know what I did?
I kept trying..
At some point later in the night, we all decided to go and check out this old church across the street. I re-opened her again (oh wait, this is pre game. What I meant was - I tried speaking to her again. Somehow I ended up standing in the main bit of the church alone with her… I think we had a bit of a “moment” and then we walked back to the pub with the group. I thought “maybe she does like me.” Then she ran off again with her friends. Sigh.
Late in the night probably around 1am, I just grabbed her and said “right, we’re hanging out RIGHT NOW” and I SAT her on a chair. (Ok, maybe I had some game.) Then I sat down next to her and just started talking to her. It was actually a great conversation. I remember saying “shit, I’m the best at massages. Come over here to the couch” … she gave me this suspicious look and hesitated but she came over. 5 minutes later I was making out with her. God she was a great kisser. I spend the rest of the evening with her.
When we went upstairs to sleep, there were over 20 people all on the floor in this massive room. She had to go for a pee. I was exhausted. I lay down on the floor and started drifting off. Her hand caressing my elbow brought me back from the arms of sleep. I grabbed her and we made out quietly, guiltily as everyone slept.
Then we fell asleep in each other arms. It was an amazing night.
In the morning I get her number and she says to call her and I agree. She texts me like an hour after leaving – ioi! (I mean, she likes me!)
So, a couple days later I ring her and get her voicemail. I leave her a particularly brilliant phone message. I still remember it do this day
“Hey. It’s Sasha. The tall Canadian comedian you made out with at the party. I don’t know how many Canadian comedian’s you made out with, but I was the tall one.”
Days go by. No reply.
Did I quit? No.
I text her to see if she got the message
She texts back saying that is was a great night, but maybe we should just leave it at that.
WTF?? She LOVED ME! SHE texted ME first!
So now she ignores me phone message - I text her, and now she’s telling me she doesn’t want to meet up??
Did I quit? No.
I think. I text again.
“You can’t break up with me. We haven’t even gone on a date yet!! The rules say, you have to go out with me at least once before you can dump me!!”
She agrees to meet up. “Ok, but just for a hot chocolate. No massages!”
What followed was, well, a drawn out, painful and yet great love affair. She was amazing. She really got me. I was 100% myself with her, and every moment around her was … magnificent. She was very religious and (I suspect) this was what separated us in the end. However, I can safely say this will always be one of my great loves and having gone after her – having her in my life as affected me forever. I smile when I think of her still….
But – I’ll tell you what. I never, ever would hooked up with her if I’d known about game at the time. Would I have spoken to her at that party after her blowing me out 3+ times? Would I have texted her after she ignored my phone message, then RE texted her after she said she didn’t want to meet up?
Even before getting to that – after knowing about game, would I have even gone to a little party in the middle of nowhere for new year’s? Ha! I’d have gone to a club, or somewhere else with my pua buddies – a spot likely to have far more sets (ahem, girls to meet) than a remote party!
How many of you have still kept trying after a girl (post game) after 5-6 blowouts? pff!
I simply just wouldn’t bother these days. There are just so many girls floating around at any point – and just as importantly - I can meet any girl I run into in just about every situation. So… why would I, after being blown out over and over go after a girl? Sure, if she was like absolutely amazing – my dream girl. Maybe. But in most cases (and in this case) I just wouldn’t bother.
So my point:
The knowledge itself that there are millions of women out there that you can approach them can deter you from going after the one set that would prove to be the most fulfilling of all!
Furthermore, you’re far more likely to put in the necessary amount of effort with a girl if you’ve only got one or two on the go.
Yet another (Quick) story:
You meet a girl. She’s awesome. You get her number.
Then you never call her again because you forgot on account of having 60 girls numbers in your phone.
You never see her again.
See? I told you it was a quick story ;)
Having tons of girls on the go also makes it far less likely that I’ll put in the time to follow up properly – and as the advanced guys will tell you – follow up is very, very important! Imagine: You’ve got 12 phone numbers from the weekend. Will you call them all? Are you going to put the time in calling/texting, leaving messages/ keeping track of who didn’t answer, who u left a message for, what you said, etc, as effectively for each of these 12 girls as if you’d just met ONE girl that entire month?? No way hose!
Another point that nobody ever seems to bring up: If you don’t treat a girl like she’s special, and that you really want HER – she’ll notice. If you treat her like she’s just another one of many girls you’ve got on the go – she’ll notice that too. This doesn’t preclude you from hooking up with girls – but it may affect the type of women you’ll be able to get in the long term.
Another symptom of overabundance is that guys at the intermediate level often start using the reasoning “well I have other girls,” or “I’m already getting laid” to not approach. But guess what – these are just excuses! And it’s very easy to go from “bah, I’m getting laid, I don’t have to approach her” to “Uh oh – my girl left me and now I’ve got Approach anxiety again!”
So what can we all do not to fall into this trap?
Always keep approaching – even when you’re getting some, no matter what, always!
Don’t get 12 phone numbers when you go out! Just talk to 2 or 3 girls – get to KNOW them. Would you rather have 2 solid closes? Or 12 girls you barely spoke to that are going to flake?
GO after each girl like you MEAN it. REALLY go after her. This means only approach girls you’re REALLY attracted to!
Go for her like u don't know u can get a million other girls like her – FORGET you know game - go for her like you only ever SEE a girl you meet every few weeks, or months even.
Go after her like you have no game ;)
Hey – you might even make her feel special or something!
Perhaps in a strange way, the key is knowing about game but behaving in a manner which suggests that you don’t. As Bruce Lee said “The art of fighting, without fighting….”
Maybe we should have a new motto in the seduction community. “The art of picking up, without picking up!”
Don’t be retards. Follow up all your leads! If you’re unsure where to start – start right away! I like to send a text that says “miss me yet?” to a girl 3 minutes after I’ve walked away from her.
Girls are abundant, but quality girls are rare.
Perhaps rarer now than ever before….
Peace and good luvin’
In the meantime, check out my adventures here -> PUA London
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