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A few nights ago, I went barhopping with a friend of mine. We both talked to truck loads of women and used practically the same material on them. But by the end of the night my friend’s results were so bad he felt blessed with an unlikable self. My experience, however, was the total opposite. I felt like Satan with pitchfork in hand, inciting one girl after the next to engage in some naughty mirth. Is it because of my looks? Is it because I have some impalpable quality about me called “charisma,” which is not teachable? Is it because I am Satan? No – it is none of these things. It is a learned behavior no different than learning to tie your shoes. I know this because, similar to my friend, I spent years feeling like a boring sloth before transforming myself into a flittering butterfly charming one group of women to the next.
But before I reveal to you the skills that distinguish a charismatic Casanova from a floundering Waldo, I am going to give you a quick overview of my method, Naturalized Attraction.
Naturalized Attraction is not about trying to apply therapeutic techniques used in psychology to dating, attracting, and seducing women. Nor is it based upon the unfounded claims propounded by the “let’s play pseudo-psychologist to the helpless, needy and pathetic” gurus of the world – think Dr. Phil!
The starting point of “Naturalized Attraction” is always the REAL WORLD. The method strives to observe, model, and improve upon both the natural social behaviors that generate attraction in women, and the glue that holds these behaviors together. Our culture has mystified this glue under the rubric “charisma” as an innate, intangible, non-teachable quality blessed individuals possess. “Charisma,” however, is actually the combination of a few learnable and repeatable skills.
So this begs the question: What skills constitute Charisma and how does a person go about acquiring these skills?
Two skills that play a mainstay in being charismatic are: owning your material, and having a strong intent. Let’s start with the first one, owning your material. There are a lot of men who cringe at the idea of having well rehearsed jokes and stories prepared for social interactions. You be might be one of these men. If so, think about this: Most socially adept people will unconsciously tell the same jokes and stories over and over again, honing them to perfection. Oftentimes, however, once a person is made conscious of, for example, using a rehearsed story, he begins to feel guilty for acting fake. This guilt is ludicrous. I have never met a single socially adept person who used completely new material in every social interaction. Purge your self of this guilt. Remember: Whether you are conscious of it or not, having at least some rehearsed material is part of having strong social skills.
Having well rehearsed material will allow you to simultaneously (1) display your own personality to the women increasing your PRIZABILITY in her eyes, and (2) to get your own head so you can observe both her and the situation. When you have well rehearsed material your brain power will not be expended on remembering, for example, a particular joke or story. Instead, you will have extra brain power to analyze what you need to do to further engage her.
One thing, though, I am bit fastidious about is using your own material. When it is your own material, even if it is rehearsed, it is authentic because you are displaying who you are. Even if you only have rehearsed a few minutes of memorized material, if it is about you, it won’t matter. But if you are using someone else’s material, you risk coming off as fake. I have seen guys who have an hour or so of memorized material, which is not their own. Once they are spent, so to speak, women usually loose interest in them. Probably the dramatic shift in personality makes women suspicious.
Having a strong intent also plays an important role in acting charismatic. A few years back, women would often times loose interest while talking to me or think that I that I was B.S.-ing them. The reason was that they were picking up on my weak intent. Even the girls lumbered with IQs barley into the double digits picked up on this weakness. My problem: I needed to develop a strong intent.
But what does it mean to have a strong intent? This is probability one of the most misunderstood terms out there. This is due to the follies of some psychological disciplines – such as, Neuro-Linguistic Programming – that fail to be precise when defining terminology. Having a strong intent is most commonly misunderstood as meaning: A congruency between a person’s external behaviors and his internal beliefs. This is, however, not the meaning but the symptom of having a strong intent.
Having a strong intent is congruently:
1) Having the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome.
2) Having the unwavering belief that you will achieve the intended outcome.
If a person has the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome but does not have the belief that he can achieve it, he will come across as needy. This used to be me. I had the desire and the will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular outcome, but not believe or think that I deserve my desired outcome.
One thing that has helped me tremendously is rehearsing the outcome of everything I intend to get an effect from. So, for example, if I intend to tell a story to intrigue a woman, I will rehearse in my mind her being intrigued by my story. If, for example, intend have woman lean and try to kiss me after I have kissed her and pulled back, I will rehearse this over and over again in my mind.
When you are in an attraction flow – achieving one intended outcome to the next – the material qua tools for achieving these outcomes become transparent. When driving somewhere, for example, you barely even notice the car. All you are concerned with is getting to the desired place. It is only when, for example, you get a flat tire that you become conscious again of the car as a tool used to get you to your intended destination. Likewise, it only becomes obvious to you and the woman that you are trying to do something to get a particular outcome when something interrupts the attraction flow: stumbling over your words because you didn’t know your material, or not having the belief that you could get your intended outcome…or whatever.
But all of the intended outcomes we have been discussing – getting her intrigued, getting her to kiss you…and so on – are only tools to achieve the META-INTENT: Getting her to sleep with you.
When a person has mastered the attraction flow, everything becomes transparent except the fact that he and the woman are going to sleep together – they both know it is going to happen. When a woman encounters a man of this caliber, she will often speak about that quality she can’t quite put her finger on that drew her to him. In this culture we oftentimes classify this behavior as Charisma.
In reality it comes down to controlling the META-FRAME, and having both a stronger reality and META-INTENT than the woman you are attracting. All of this stuff is covered in my book or will be covered in some of my upcoming products. If you are ready to take your persuasion skills to the next level, come visit me:
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