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Important: What you're about to learn is extremely powerful. So once you finish reading this post, put some time aside to digest it and implement it in your life. You'll be glad you did - trust me.
Since I was a kid, I've worked in sales. My bosses always told me, "When talking to a prospect, spell out as many benefits as your mind can muster up about the product or service you're selling."
Back then, if I sold Sham Wows, I would have told my prospects:
A regular towel doesn't work wet. But the Sham Wow works wet or dry. You can use it on your house, your boat, your car, and your RV. It can hold twelve times its weight in liquid. It washes, it dries, and it polishes. It won't scratch surfaces. It lasts ten years... and so on.
But then... something happened that changed my whole perspective on selling...
Right out of college, I got a job selling private placements. My boss told me I sounded like one of those infomercial circus monkeys.
He said, "Instead of trying to sell your customers, make them sell you. Brutally qualify them. When you make them prove themselves to you, closing the deal is cake."
This struck me as strange considering that all the prospects I spoke to were already qualified.
But it worked. I racked up sale after sale.
"I wonder if qualifying women would work as well as qualifying prospects," I pondered.
Of course it does - duh.
In all human interactions, there's a subtext - an underlying meaning - that defines a role for each participant. This is what I call the Meta-Frame.
In our culture, the default Meta-Frame for male/female courtship defines the woman's role as the Prize and the man's role as the suitor desperately trying to win her over.
If you don't know how to change the Meta-Frame and a woman isn't automatically attracted to you, she'll slot you into category two. (To learn more about the Meta-Frame, click here.)
But when you qualify a woman, she feels compelled to prove herself and pines for your validation.
The Meta-Frame reverses: you become the Prize she is trying to win over.
This makes it impossible for her to ensnare you into category two.
But you're not at of the woods yet, my friend.
To succeed with a woman, her self-image needs to be congruent with your desired outcome.
To give you an example, imagine a man meeting a woman with a pillar-of-chastity self-image crazy glued to her brain.
Thoughts about manhandling her into a public restroom and doing the nasty circle around and around in his noggin.
But because her self-image doesn't match his fantasy, his chances of achieving it teeter on zero.
In a minute, you're going to learn a form of qualifying that changes a woman's self-image, so it's congruent with your desired outcome.
It does this by exploiting the psychological principle Commitment & Consistency. Commitment & Consistency shows that people have an obsessive desire to be consistent with the deeds, commitments, or choices they have already done or made. (More on this later.)
The first step to qualifying a woman is figuring out your desired outcome with her.
If you don't, she'll determine the outcome for you. Be honest with yourself about what you want. Don't let friends, family, and the media decide for you.
Next, think about what kind of self-image a woman needs for you to achieve your desired outcome.
If you desire a one-night-stand from a woman, she will need a self-image packed with a sense of adventure and spontaneity to follow through.
If you want a woman to be your loving and doting girlfriend or wife, she will need to see herself as loyal, responsible, nurturing... and so on.
The qualities comprising the self-image you want to give women are your standards.
You are going to use these standards as challenges or questions when qualifying a woman.
Let's look at a simple formula to qualify a woman:
1) Ask her a question or present her with a challenge that makes her qualify.
2) If she complies, give her a qualifier (A qualifier is a compliment that lets her know that she's - at least to some degree - lived up to your standards.)
3) Then put up a false barrier or qualify her further.
Here's an example:
Swinggcat: Are you fun? (Notice: I'm taking one of my standards and turning it into a question/challenge.)
Girl: Yes. Very. (She qualifies and commits herself to a fun girl self-image.)
Swinggcat: Good 'cause I like fun girls. (I'm giving her a qualifier. This lets her know that she's lived up to my standards.)
Girl: Thank you.
Swinggcat: What's the craziest thing you've done in the last year? (I'm qualifying her further.)
Girl: I had sex on a train. (She's compelled to qualify because of her need to stay consistent with her previous commitment - being a fun girl.)
Swinggcat: Oh my God. I love you. You're my new girlfriend. (I'm giving her a qualifier.) If you and I hang out, we'll get arrested. So we should never hang out. (I'm creating a false barrier.)
Qualifying is a form of Push-Pull.
Push-Pull is emotionally Pushing a woman away from you and then emotionally Pulling her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull.
To get a sense of where I'm going with all this, think, for example, of your favorite junk food. Imagine going on a strict diet for several weeks that prohibits you from eating your favorite food.
What would it feel like to finally give in to your urge and indulge after weeks of dieting?
I'm willing to bet it would taste a thousand times yummier after dieting than before.
Push-Pull has a tension loop structure. Each time you push her away, it sparks tension...
... and each time you pull her in, it releases that tension.
The process of sparking and then releasing tension in a woman creates attraction.
If you'd like to learn more about Push-Pull, click here.
To get a feel for this, let's look at another example...
Girl: (Points her eyes at a heard of people parading around in their underwear and folds her mouth into a grimace of disgust) Those people are heinous.
Swinggcat: I think what they're doing is kinda cool. I'm an open minded person and like to surround myself with other open minded people. (I'm challenging her, insinuating that she's not open minded, and hinting that she falls a few hairs short of someone I'd hang out with. This pushes her away and creates tension.)
Girl: (As an attempt to release the tension, she qualifies to me) I'm very open minded. I just got into Zen Buddhism and Kabbalah.
Swinggcat: Awesome. We can be friends. (This pulls her in and releases the tension.) But I sincerely hope a few years from now you don't call me up and ask me to hang out with a bunch of shoeless hippies who force me to drink their "special" Kool-Aid. (I'm putting up a false barrier to push her away and spark tension all over again.)
You can use small almost trivial commitments from a woman to increase compliance for much larger and only remotely related requests.
Let's look at an example...
Swinggcat: You wanna come to my no pants party?
Girl: What's that?
Swinggcat: It's a party where people don't wear any pants.
Girl: Ew. That's gross. No way. I'm not a slut.
Swinggcat: I thought you were adventurous. But now I don't think you can handle me. (I'm challenging her.)
Girl: I am adventurous. (She commits to being adventurous. This may seem like an innocent concession. But unknowingly, she's bought into having an adventurous self-image.)
Swinggcat: I'm still not sure we can hang. What's something adventurous you've done in the last year? (I'm building on the previous commitment.)
Girl: I went bungee jumping in Costa Rica.
Swinggcat: Wow. That's awesome. But I'm still not sure I can take you around my cool friends. Are you spontaneous?
Swinggcat: What's something spontaneous you've done in the last year?
Girl: I moved to California on a whim.
Swinggcat: That's good because I like girls who are adventurous and spontaneous.
Swinggcat: If you were in kissing school, what grade would your kissing teacher give you on your kissing abilities?
Girl: I'd get an A.
Swinggcat: Let's find out.
Next I kiss her.
90% of the time women comply with this last challenge.
"But why?" you may be wondering.
Because, as illustrated in the example above, I first make them commit to being adventurous and spontaneous.
Although adventurism and spontaneity only remotely relate to their kissing ability and willingness to kiss you, these commitments modify their self-image enough for them to live up to the kissing challenge.
If they didn't, they'd feel that they weren't acting consistent with their new self-image.
I've got an intuition about you...
You wouldn't have taken the time to read this far if you weren't interested becoming a more effective communicator with women and improving your success with them.
Am I right?
If so, then keep reading...
Over the years, I've worked with hundreds of guys running the gamut from virgins to bonafide Casanovas.
There's one thing that prevented all these men from taking their success to the next level: they didn't properly qualify women.
Qualifying women gives you the skills and confidence to meet, attract, and succeed with the women you want.
What you learned in this letter is extremely powerful - go out and see for yourself.
What you learned in this letter barely scratches the surface of qualifying women.
If you'd like to master this skill and take your success with women to the next level, check out my band-new book Real World Seduction 2.0.
Your Loyal Dating Coach,
P.S., If you enjoyed the attraction secrets in this post and would like to get more, click here.
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- Tease Her Please Her II
- Tease To Please In Action
- Social Proof
- Create Sexual Tension
- Demonstrate Value
- Attraction Guide
- Attraction Square One
- Pretend To Strike
- PUA Qualification
- Active Disinterest
- Mini Cold Reads
- Forcing IOIs
- Statements of Interest
- Conveying Personality
- Bait Hook Reel Release
- Using Eye Liner
- Hoop Theory
- Tantalize Her With Scents
- Guide To Creating Attraction
- Being Non-Reactive
- Not Appearing Reactive Showing Disinterest
- Chemical Conversation
- Attraction Momentum
- The Laws of Attraction
- Push Pull
- Messing Up Chances
- Frames Games Prizability
- Step By Step Example Of Attracting Women
- Step By Step Guide To Make Women Qualify
- Using Challenges
- Compel Women To Touch
- Conveying Attraction Assets