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I get a lot of questions about talking to women over the phone. Instead of answering each one individually I thought I'd do a whole newsletter on the topic. As I'm teaching you exactly how step-by-step to talk to women over the phone, I'll be alluding to an essential *key ingredient* for ATTRACTING women in general. SO KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED AS YOU READ ON.
The lurid reality is this: The vast majority of phone numbers men get will never amount to anything, because most men DON'T know the right way to talk to women over the phone.
If you have not yet learned the *right way* to talk to women over the phone, REALIZE that mastering this skill will at the very least DOUBLE your current success with women - point blank!
When getting a woman's phone number, the average collective male chooses one of three categories of action. In most cases, however, he is damned no matter which one of the three categories he chooses. As you READ each category it will become apparent to you why this is the case.
Category # 1: Trying To Win Over A Woman's Heart...
Some of you hopeless romantics might argue: there is a heap of sentimental value encapsulated in the journey of winning over a woman's heart. Maybe so. But in the wake of your efforts your chances are slim to nil of generating ANY attraction with her. Women are ATTRACTED to men who are the PRIZE. When you try to win over, impress, or get validation from a woman, you are making her the Prize in the interaction, not you. Doing this is the quickest rout to eradicating ANY ATTRACTION there. I should know; I've lost many women from doing this. Their attitude towards me turned from fun loving warmth into contemptuous ennui, imputing me as the source of their boredom. Scorning me, as if I was a suppository wrapped in gold foil that they mistakenly bit into, credulously thinking I was an Almond Roca.
Some men will try to win a woman over by attempting to act entertaining or funny. Acting entertaining and funny can generate MASSIVE ATTRACTION in women but only within the context of being the Prize.
In the context, however, of trying to win a woman over, acting entertaining and funny will destroy any ATTRACTION that was there. Even if a woman is laughing at everything you are doing and saying, she will probably be thinking: “Dance little monkey...dance!” Women somehow clairvoyantly know when you're acting entertaining and funny as a means to impressing or getting validation from them. If you're adamant about acting entertaining and funny, that's fine. But make sure you have the mindset that you're doing it for your own amusement, not trying to win her approval. I know many guys who aren't particularly funny, though, women find them hilarious and very attractive. This is largely because these men aren't acting funny and entertaining in the context of trying to win a woman over. They, instead, are enjoying and amusing themselves. So, when talking to a woman on the phone DON'T worry about impressing her. Have fun. Enjoy the conversation. Amuse yourself.
Many guys will try to fill the quota of a woman's “Ideal Man.” What usually happens is this: As a guy is talking over the phone with a woman she'll bring up what she likes - or more often, what she disdains - in a man. Most guys, then, end up trying to qualify or prove to the woman that they are her ideal man. Don't do this. It conveys to the woman that you view her as a Prize you are trying to win over. If a woman starts listing her “man” standards and requirements or begins yapping about a guy she really likes, interrupt her with, “this conversation's really boring me” or, alternatively, start conspicuously yawning. Both tactics are very powerful because they transform the underlying meaning of your phone conversation from:
To win her over you have to possess or display such-and-such qualities.
You letting her know that her conversation topic is not winning her any points with you.
(If you DIDN'T get what I just wrote, read it a few more times - it is really important!).
A direr version of this is when guys probe women with questions about what they look for in a man. If you are guilty of this, stop it! Besides making you look insecure about how you measure up to what she's normally ATTRACTED to, you're defining the underlying meaning of the phone conversation as her being the Prize, not you. When talking to women on the phone, DON'T probe her with questions about what she's normally attracted to. ASSUME, instead, that you are the Prize she is trying to win over. Make her fill the quota of your ideal woman. While talking to a brunette on the phone, I might, for example, haphazardly chuckle to which she'll inevitably shoot back with, “What?” I'll rebut with, “You're a brunette, aren't you?” and she'll say, “Yes.” Then I'll let her know she doesn't fill my quota with, “I only like blondes! You aren't my type...but we can be friends.” Doing this is more than light hearted banter: I'm defining the underlying meaning of our phone conversation as me being the Prize.
I know a few guys who try to win women over by giving lots of compliments. I think giving women compliments can be very powerful. But when you give a woman compliments within the context of trying to win her over, you become a courtier: a flatterer of someone more important than you. Put simply, you are unknowingly implying that she is the Prize, not you.
Category # 2: Treating Her Like Your Wife...
If a woman gives you her number - even if you feel like you have a special connection with her or end up sleeping with her the first night you meet - she is not yet your girlfriend or wife. Treating a woman like a wife when first getting to know her will hurl you to the top of the Creep-O-Meter. This means DON'T: ask her questions about other guys she's seeing, suspiciously interrogate her about how she spends her time, and angrily reprimand her for flaking on you. How she spends her time is her business. Telling a confident, intelligent woman who you've just met what she can and cannot do will make her run so fast it will make your head spin.
At some point, most of us, guys, have been chagrined by a woman flaking on us, causing us to brood over it for hours and, then, angrily reprimand her to no avail - it sucks! But you know what: Whoop-de-do...go sail a f*ing boat! Suck it up! She doesn't care. Put your rampant intellectual coping mechanism in check. The angrier you get, the less ATTRACTED to you she'll be. Later on I'll tell you the *right way* to handle women flaking. SO KEEP READING.
Category # 3: Acting Aloof And Disinterested And Letting Her Pursue You...
More than a few people have accused me of endorsing this category. There only half right. As you read on, you'll get what I mean. One of the morals in the movie Swingers is: You need to wait seven days before calling a girl's number - you wouldn't want to look needy or desperate. They give a pretty funny example illustrating the consequences of breaking this moral when the protagonist, a lovable-loser named “Mike” calls a woman he has only known for a few hours seven times in a row, redounding in her telling him to never call her again (If you haven't seen the movie, do so. It's a must). This moral has become intrinsic to the zeitgeist of the modern dating advice and self-help for men world.
The moral is right in theory but wrong in practice. With beautiful women in the Real World, NOT acting proactive will lead to many lonely nights. To smack you upside the head with this, waiting for women to call you is a hopeless strategy. Unless you've gotten a woman on the hook, waiting for her to call is not making her chase you, it is passively wishing for her to pursue you. I am NOT touting you to chase, pursue, and try to win women over, either.
Proactive Prizing: Actively Creating A Space For Her To Chase You...
In my book I talk about Prizing - the art of making a woman chase you. You can only Prize women, however, within certain contexts. And MOST of the time, you need to proactively create these contexts. Passively waiting for these contexts is a losing battle. This especially applies to Prizing women over the phone. If you DON'T call a woman or if you passively wait for her to call you, you aren't proactively creating the context to Prize her. It isn't her responsibility to chase you; it's your responsibility to make her chase you. Don't be passive. Take the initiative. Be Proactive. Will some women think you are chasing them? Yes, but who cares! You can undermine this by, for example, telling her: “You aren't my type and I want to let you know that I'd never go for you, though I do find you amusing to talk to.” This is a form of what in my book I call “Push-Pull.” If you've been studying my book, you probably have already realized why doing something like this will quickly and effectively get a woman chasing you.
I remember the days when I'd passively wait for a woman to call me. Looking back, I now realize the heaps of success I missed out on, all because I didn't yet understand the concept of proactive Prizing.
The better you get at this the more you'll find women asking you out on dates over the phone - it's almost scary how much this happens to me. Don't passively, however, wait for a woman to ask you out on a date. It is up to you to get her from the phone to a physical location (Maybe I'll do a whole newsletter addressing this topic). Will some women perceive this as you chasing them? Yes but, as I said before, you can undermine this later. Let me give you an example. A few years ago, I was talking over the phone with a woman who mentioned an affinity for art. I invited her to an art exhibit. She responded with, “Are you trying to ask me out on a date?!” I chuckled and Prized back with, “No...my grandmother's coming too. I know the elderly don't leave the house much so I thought I'd do my good deed for the year by getting you two girls out for some fresh air. Oh, just to let you know, I don't tolerate funny smells. So be sure to wear your adult diaper.” She laughed and, then, told me I was a wicked bastard. But she showed up at the museum, claiming to be wearing her adult diaper. Luckily, her diaper ended up being G-string underwear.
You don't always have to undermine your intentions when asking a girl out but it usually can't hurt, plus it takes the pressure off her thinking it is some big date.
Sometimes, no matter what you say, women end up flaking. I've met tons of guys who are amazing with women. Yet even they have experienced women flaking on them. Any guy who tells you he never has women flake on him is lying - point blank. The reasons for women flaking are too numerous to list in this newsletter. Many of these reasons are probably different from ones you've thought of. Some attractive women, for example, will flake on guys out insecurity, fearing that he'll discover their flaws, making him less attracted to them. For your sake, however, it is not important to analyze and address the reasons why women flake. If they flake, brush it off, keep proactively Prizing them, and then ask them out again.
As long as you follow my guidelines - even if you're still nervous while talking to girls on the phone - you'll be a hundred times better off. And if you haven't already picked up a copy of my book, do so. I give you step-by-step instruction on how to establish yourself as the PRIZE and get any woman chasing you, allowing you to achieve the mastery and success with women you deserve. And this is only scratching the surface of what I'm going to teach you. Stop allowing opportunities to pass you by. Let me show you step-by-step how to generate massive attraction with women.
'Till next time,
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